Thursday, December 24, 2009


I wished they know,
how much i would be there for them..
How iportant they are to me..
i wish they would know,
how much they mean to me as i always try to be there for them.
best friends?
i don't make them easily...
Some people say that i am they're good friends in just a month..
but for me, it takes more than that to be called my bestfriends..
bestfriends go through alot to be called a bestfriend..
bestfriends cry together, laugh together, n never stop being there for each other no matter what or no matter how far they are..
heck.. this so called 'bestfriends' expect us to be there for them but did they ever be there for u?
heck no...
actually.. they called u bestfriends just cause u'll feel good n i'll be there for them,,
but nope..
i stick to my 4 besties...

Siha: we'be known each other during form 3... sorry, but at first i never thought who she really is.. but until form 5, i know her and she's not the girl that i thought she was.. She is more than that.. She's strong, she've been through alot.. alot i tell you.. she's not the ordinary girl.. from then on, i know and i hope she will be my bestfriend forever cuz she knows me best...

Nina: i known her but somehow i don't remember her back then from darjah 4 ke 5.. huhu.. when i was inform 4 kot kitorg mula rapat, skali dgn siha.. nina is sooo caring.. she have a way to make me smile.. evrytime i tell her sth, she always have that look dat says i'm here for u..
hehe... she's also the manja one, sumtimes best manja2 dgn nina.. hehehehehehe... nina also knows me best.. =D

Xubz: i know her since form 3, tp xbrape rapat.. then in form 4.. i don't knoe how kitorg mula rapat.. hehe. i found out she can draw incredibly great.. OMG! i'm so jealous of her.. she have a natural hand on drawing.. God! I still keep some of the drawings she made.. haha.. well.. she's like a big sister to me.. she never fail to text me no matter what.. hehe.. but i didn't see her for like a year i think... huwaa..

p/s: 3 of them knows my biggest secret. n they never ever judge me which makes them the bestest! n i love them more than anyone!!!!!

Hikmi: he's a great guy.. i know him from metro driving.. i thought that he's just going to be u know, same driving test but then i found out that he worked in kfc.. that time i was working in mph.. but then i don't know how we end up being so close.. i used to have feelings for him.. haha.. weird..but we r good friends now.. he's always there.. he knows i have something bad or good going on just by a text.. how cool is that???eventhough i don't make it like i have problems.. no one ever know what is behind on how i text people..but he knows.. i miss him though.. we didn't meet since last we worked.. we always said that we have to meet.. but then we never have the chance.. =D

Moreover! theyre all the best friends i had in life! n no one! i repeat! no one! can replace them at all! we've been through thick n thins together! n only us can break us apart.. hehehe..

Saturday, December 12, 2009

just another burden!

aku nk nanges..
i wanna scream my lungs out!
where did i do wrong?
what was my mistake???
Dear God!
Please Give me another chance, to fix what's in past!
I need someone to hear me scream!
Give me another chance!
Dear God!
Help me do better next time..
I did my best!
I failed to get what i achieved!
Though i did what i have to...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

i'm now home.. tomorrow going back to perak..
exam's coming around the corner..
i didnt study yet! and i'm not prepared!
stupid aren't I?
today we celebrated my brother's birthday.. happy birthday to u my little bro!
i'll always love u la!
it was fun..
n tiring... cuz i was in pain.. erghhh...
suck right..
i love my family..
i love having my family now.. i love them and would do anything for them..
my dad: he have great personality, he love giving lectures that i love to listen to.. he is caring, funny person..
he's the best!
my mom: she have a happy go lucky personality, she's funny!, loving,caring, she's sporting yet very angry person, but she's the best mom i've ever known.
my brother: he's soooo funny!, he's always having this thought that can make people smile and laugh.. plus he is soooo caring, i never met any brother that as caring as him.. and he cares about his famile and me so much.. which what i love about him. sometimes he can get mad easily but its ok mehh..
my small bro: he's special! he's the brother that i never get separated with until i got into uitm. the first experience was soo hard.. we've been sleeping on the same bed until i was in form 3 ke 4 mcm tu.. but we know evrything about each other. we can share secrets and keep the secret with each other. he's now a big guy.. he's changed and we're not that close anymore.. he's more to my big brother.. well.. i can understand.. maybe cuz i am a girl. so i don't know guy's stuffs like my big brother do.. but still!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

music is my life.
and i havent gone a day without them..
music affects my mood..
and my mood can be shown by what kind of songs i listens to..
right now i'm listening to halo.
by beyonce..
i'm just wondering if i should get a broadband..
you know, so i wont have to rent it or ssahkan my friend just to online..
i hate fights..
i hate him.,..
tp sayang..
poyo je aku nih..

Saturday, February 28, 2009

feeling confused..

most of ma frens, ma old frens know how grumpy n how 'baran' I am.
i had this fren when i was in school..
ma bestie..
now she is ssooooooo much more than ma bestie.. she's like ma sister..
well, i rmmbered dis day, when she told lies to me n talk bout it behind ma back..
siha was there..
she was saying sorry to me.. then wat did i say?
it came out involuntarily..
then it hppned as always when i got angry..
i cried n i was all shaking..
i cried at the stairs n was shaking so badly that i had to hold onto the wall..
siha was there..
afta dat.. i rmmbered he saying sorry to me..
i forgave her cause all it takes is just the sorry words..
she, siha n nina is ma bestie forever..
i like ma frens here too..
but there's alot of misunderstandings n things culd get worsened..
i'm scared to face them.. n confront them..
so wat i did is just isolate maself from themm...
so i'm saying sorry for being baran n angry n rude..
those words or bulletins that i sent out was when i was mad..
yea.. dats me,..
hope u can accept who i am..
cz i already accepted ur weakness..
dats all..

Sunday, February 22, 2009

hidopku sekrg.

i didnt write for lotsa days..
cz i've been bz..
around dis time laa assgnment nk dtg bertimbun..
n dis time around la mcm2 probs nk dtg..
fam, frens..

u noe wat..
thres dis day.. thursday..
mcm2 lar dtg..
dat day ma fam ada prob..
dat day jgak i fought wif ma fren yg i anggap kwn rapat i..
n da next day..
well, suma mcm pulau aku.
n da next day too ma fam's prob got worst..
guess wat..
i cried all alone..
noone stood by me..
listen to me..
i was all damn fucking alone.
jz i guezz no one ever like being fren with me for starters..
jz probably they cnt stand ma attitude..
well i guezz dis is it..
i'm fine if everyone nk pulaukan aku..
i'm fine u pndg slack dkt aku though i tried apologizing for sth dat i was a minor guilty in dat prob..
fuck larrr..
i mean,
i've tried ok..
was it all ma fault..
nape larr aku kne dugaan mcm ni?
tlg la slmtkan parent aku pnye marriage..
tlg lar slamatkan frenship aku dgn kwn2 aku...
dis is to much for me to handle it now..
so for now aku mengasingkan diri dr suma org..
y am i fully blamed when someone else too made their mistake.
i did ma job..
on time..
i did it all alone..
xde sape pon tlg though i was told at last minute..
here's anotha thing..
now i noe sape frens or foe..
i rmmbered i cried alone in da toilet..
guess wat...
nobody cares..
y did i care 4 othas when they never cared bout me?
gle shit..
mmg skang aku mg byk mencarut..
aku ttkan..
gile shit larr..
fuck gile..
gile vavi......
i've asked Allah S.W.T to hel me..
we'll c how tomorro goes..
i wish dat i juz culd quit n juz go home..
where i blong..
i dun blong here..
i'm goin to set in ma mind now dat u cnt expect ppl to respect u if u respect them.
ntah larrr..
sape yg blh tlg...
i'm in need of help..

Monday, February 9, 2009

just meeeee...

back again!!
2day it just popped in my mind how my old self n i'm now are so much differ..

me in bkk until form 5:
I was more to a loner, depressed girl..
well, i was also suicidal.
its reasonable because of the fam probs that i have..
u see..
when they have problems, it always invloves the kids too..
since when i was in bangkok, i was along bcuz my big brother was in malaysia..and my small bro was... u noe... small.
i was thinking of jumping of the 15th floor.. but i just never have the guts to.
i was also a wild kid..
i would do bad stuffs behind my parent's back, but i'm x that wild.
at the age 0f 11..
i've seen ppl french kissing infront of me, my friends,danny and theresa..
n for me,hugging is normal.. kissing on the cheek is normal..
i've tried smoking..
i've tasted alcohol..
i've ate pork..
but i figured that it allvtastes so bad that i had to throw up..

in form 5. i had my first love..
I found bestfriends that lasts till now..
i was frustated..
crushed, n at that time i had my spm,n ma parent fought so bad..
i thought of killing myself..
i thought that if i kill myself, evrything will be o0kay..
but they dont...
me.. now..
i am now trying to change myself..
i started wearing tudung last 2 yrs..
i am trying to start to pray..
i have met great friends who could help me..
wawa n are2 n aina.
they all are awesome...
they help me thru many things..
they made me realize that my problem is x da worse thing that could happen.
i have a friend who have a dark memories who only few ppl knew..
i'm glad that i met someone who has the same experience as me..
i dont blieve in best friends because i had so many backstabbers in my life..
i just call a close fren..
i wish i could have a bestfriend who i can laugh n cry with.
who i could say anything.,.
who could accept me.. n x my hyprocrite part..
who could accept me without giving those looks that many ppl gave.
who wouldnt talk behind my back../

Saturday, February 7, 2009

lving the life..

guess what??
i just came back from perak..
and now i'm in shah alam just having holidays for stuffs..
last week i've watched underworld 3..
it's fun..
it was sad to see when sonja died in front of lucian;..
its a perfect love story but she died at the end..
thefunny thing that i want to ask is, why didn't lucian changed to a lycan when she's dying and save her before she die?
isn't it pitiful to just watch ur loved ones died in front of you and you can't do anything?
if i was lucian, i will transform myself and save her while i can..
and why didn't lucian just kill sonja's dad before so that they can run away together?
isnt in underworld 1 lucian survived for a long time?
atleast lucian n sonja could have more happy love story..[-__-'']
its a great story...

i also listen to some new music..
i would like to share it with you..
its a great song..
some of it makes me wanna dance..
some of it make me dream..