feeling confused..

well..
most of ma frens, ma old frens know how grumpy n how 'baran' I am.
i had this fren when i was in school..
ma bestie..
now she is ssooooooo much more than ma bestie.. she's like ma sister..
well, i rmmbered dis day, when she told lies to me n talk bout it behind ma back..
siha was there..
haha..
she was saying sorry to me.. then wat did i say?
FUCK YOU..
it came out involuntarily..
then it hppned as always when i got angry..
i cried n i was all shaking..
i cried at the stairs n was shaking so badly that i had to hold onto the wall..
siha was there..
well...
afta dat.. i rmmbered he saying sorry to me..
i forgave her cause all it takes is just the sorry words..
she, siha n nina is ma bestie forever..
i like ma frens here too..
but there's alot of misunderstandings n things culd get worsened..
i'm scared to face them.. n confront them..
so wat i did is just isolate maself from themm...
so i'm saying sorry for being baran n angry n rude..
those words or bulletins that i sent out was when i was mad..
yea.. dats me,..
hope u can accept who i am..
cz i already accepted ur weakness..
yea..
dats all..

hidopku sekrg.

yea..
i didnt write for lotsa days..
cz i've been bz..
around dis time laa assgnment nk dtg bertimbun..
n dis time around la mcm2 probs nk dtg..
fam, frens..

act..
u noe wat..
thres dis day.. thursday..
mcm2 lar dtg..
dat day ma fam ada prob..
dat day jgak i fought wif ma fren yg i anggap kwn rapat i..
n da next day..
well, suma mcm pulau aku.
n da next day too ma fam's prob got worst..
guess wat..
i cried all alone..
noone stood by me..
listen to me..
i was all damn fucking alone.
jz i guezz no one ever like being fren with me for starters..
jz probably they cnt stand ma attitude..
well i guezz dis is it..
i'm fine if everyone nk pulaukan aku..
i'm fine u pndg slack dkt aku though i tried apologizing for sth dat i was a minor guilty in dat prob..
well..
fuck larrr..
i mean,
i've tried ok..
was it all ma fault..
God..
nape larr aku kne dugaan mcm ni?
tlg la slmtkan parent aku pnye marriage..
tlg lar slamatkan frenship aku dgn kwn2 aku...
dis is to much for me to handle it now..
so for now aku mengasingkan diri dr suma org..
y am i fully blamed when someone else too made their mistake.
i did ma job..
on time..
i did it all alone..
xde sape pon tlg though i was told at last minute..
well..
here's anotha thing..
now i noe sape frens or foe..
i rmmbered i cried alone in da toilet..
guess wat...
nobody cares..
fuck..
y did i care 4 othas when they never cared bout me?
shit..
gle shit..
mmg skang aku mg byk mencarut..
aku ttkan..
gile shit larr..
fuck gile..
yea..
gile vavi......
i've asked Allah S.W.T to hel me..
we'll c how tomorro goes..
i wish dat i juz culd quit n juz go home..
where i blong..
i dun blong here..
well..
i'm goin to set in ma mind now dat u cnt expect ppl to respect u if u respect them.
ntah larrr..
sape yg blh tlg...
plzz..
i'm in need of help..
='(

just meeeee...

hey!
back again!!
well..
2day it just popped in my mind how my old self n i'm now are so much differ..

me in bkk until form 5:
I was more to a loner, depressed girl..
well, i was also suicidal.
its reasonable because of the fam probs that i have..
u see..
when they have problems, it always invloves the kids too..
since when i was in bangkok, i was along bcuz my big brother was in malaysia..and my small bro was... u noe... small.
i was thinking of jumping of the 15th floor.. but i just never have the guts to.
i was also a wild kid..
i would do bad stuffs behind my parent's back, but i'm x that wild.
at the age 0f 11..
i've seen ppl french kissing infront of me, my friends,danny and theresa..
n for me,hugging is normal.. kissing on the cheek is normal..
i've tried smoking..
i've tasted alcohol..
i've ate pork..
but i figured that it allvtastes so bad that i had to throw up..
........................................................................................................................................................................

in form 5. i had my first love..
I found bestfriends that lasts till now..
i was frustated..
crushed, n at that time i had my spm,n ma parent fought so bad..
i thought of killing myself..
i thought that if i kill myself, evrything will be o0kay..
but they dont...
..................................................................................................................................................................
me.. now..
i am now trying to change myself..
i started wearing tudung last 2 yrs..
i am trying to start to pray..
i have met great friends who could help me..
wawa n are2 n aina.
they all are awesome...
they help me thru many things..
they made me realize that my problem is x da worse thing that could happen.
i have a friend who have a dark memories who only few ppl knew..
i'm glad that i met someone who has the same experience as me..
now?
i dont blieve in best friends because i had so many backstabbers in my life..
i just call a close fren..
i wish i could have a bestfriend who i can laugh n cry with.
who i could say anything.,.
who could accept me.. n x my hyprocrite part..
who could accept me without giving those looks that many ppl gave.
who wouldnt talk behind my back../
urghhhh..

lving the life..

heyyyyyy!
guess what??
i just came back from perak..
and now i'm in shah alam just having holidays for stuffs..
last week i've watched underworld 3..
it's fun..
it was sad to see when sonja died in front of lucian;..
its a perfect love story but she died at the end..
thefunny thing that i want to ask is, why didn't lucian changed to a lycan when she's dying and save her before she die?
isn't it pitiful to just watch ur loved ones died in front of you and you can't do anything?
if i was lucian, i will transform myself and save her while i can..
and why didn't lucian just kill sonja's dad before so that they can run away together?
isnt in underworld 1 lucian survived for a long time?
atleast lucian n sonja could have more happy love story..[-__-'']
weelllll..
anyways..
its a great story...

i also listen to some new music..
i would like to share it with you..
its a great song..
some of it makes me wanna dance..
some of it make me dream..